Behind the Poem

the leaf decided against botox by Jillian Stacia

This poem by Jillian from Issue 7 about leaves and beauty is delightful and insightful. Here she tells us about how it came to be.

the leaf decided against botox

a tough decision, to be sure,
but she was going to let nature take its course
even if it killed her
(which, she supposed, was the whole damn point)

she had to face the facts: she just wasn’t
green anymore
(no amount of retinol or chlorophyll was going to change that)

and so the leaf decided to age 
with dignity, sure, but also zest and a wicked sense of humor
(what the hell did she have to lose at this point?)

she wrinkled and crinkled, cackled and crackled 
dressed in the most gorgeous shades of orange and yellow and red 
(green was so last season) 

she swayed in the breeze, befriended her bark and her bite 
elicited smiles from strangers, grinned at the gasp in the back of their throats 
(because damn - is there anything 
more beautiful than a leaf being
boldly and unapologetically herself?)

and when the day finally came - she let herself fall
flowing and free
(she never missed the botox)

You all will be shocked to know that this poem was inspired by my constant rumination on whether or not to get Botox. A prevalent theme in my work is body image and embracing our appearance, and this is solely because I struggle so much to do so.

I want, very badly, to be a woman who loves her body in all its beautiful flaws and imperfections. But I am not there yet. To be honest, I’m not sure if I will ever get there.

One September afternoon, I was taking a walk and thinking about whether or not injecting poison in my face directly contradicts my value of loving my body no matter what. I thought about how difficult it was to be a feminist while also having wrinkles. (It just doesn’t seem fair).

My internal debate was interrupted by the bright, breathtaking colors on a nearby tree. It was the first “fall” tree I’d seen this season, and it stopped me dead in my tracks.

“Be like this tree,” I thought to myself. “It’s aging, and it’s absolutely stunning.”

Thus, this poem was born. I tend to dislike nature metaphors simply because they are done all the time. Unfortunately, they are done all the time because they are so annoyingly accurate. I tried to write the poem in a tongue-in-cheek kind of way, both to make the metaphors seem more fresh and unique and to try to interplay the seriousness of the issue (death! aging! crow’s feet!) with a little more of a laid-back, comical tone (re: bad puns).

The parenthesis at the end of each stanza symbolized my inner dialogue. And of course, the last line: (she never missed the botox) was a callback to the title. I tend to do that a lot in my poems and like to structure my pieces as a sort of “call-and-response” type format.

Sometimes poems are hard to write, but this one was a delight. It felt natural and fun, and it reminded me of why I like to write poetry so much. There are no rules. You get to grapple with tough topics in fun, new ways. And you get to create things that hopefully resonate with people: your own weird, delightful little offering.

PS: I’d also like to add the disclaimer that I’m still not sure about the whole Botox thing. The leaves are still inspiring, but the wrinkles are coming out in full force. Please don’t hold it against me if and when you see me with frozen eyebrows. I’m doing my best.